The Story of The AlienRat

One cold December night in 1999, we were driving home from the big Tesco's in North Harbour. We drove the scenic route which took us a good 90 miles away from home. Suddenly we were blinded by a bright purple light coming from the forest. We stopped the car and parked illegally on the side of the desolate countryside road.

The air was still and quiet. The sky was dark and you could see millions of stars. Suddenly we heard a noise which sounded strangely like a sneeze. We bravely walked towards the sound and the purple beam.

This is the vision that greeted us...

A Ray Beam Toting AlienRat

"Look hunni! It's an alien rat!!" I said to my hunni, yanking on his coat sleeve.

"And he has a spacecraft!" My hunni replied matter-of-factly.

The poor creature was cold and sick (hence the sneezing), yet he brandished his weapon and said to us in an assured tone "Take me to your larder!".

"We can't take you there just now, we live 90 miles away from here! What do you eat?" we asked.

"I eat pink cheese" the creature replied.

I remembered I had just bought some cranberry Wensleydale cheese, hoping it would be pink enough for our little visitor.

"I'll see if I've got any in the car" I replied and started heading back to the car. I rummaged through the boot where the contents of our grocery bags had spilled and retrieved the cheese then ran back to the clearing and offered the cheese.

He dropped his Ray Gun (which I found out later was the Ray of Sneeze gun) and snatched the lump of cranberry Wensleydale from my hands. Without discarding the label or the cling film, he munched his way through 500gr. of cheese without batting an eyelid. That was when I realised he didn't have any eyelids.

After grooming his face much like an earth rat would do, he asked me if we were anywhere near Norway. "I have some distant cousins to visit" said the alien rat.

"Oh! No, no, no! We are in England! Miles away!"

"Oh" He replied, scratching his head, "My GPS equipment must have broken down again."

"Well, we do have some refugees from Norway living in our house, would you like to meet them instead? You might recognise them!"

"Achee!" he replied, obviously warming to the idea.

"Come with us then" I said. "Have you got any luggage?"

He shook his head. We walked to the car.

As he was shivering, (I think his planet had much kinder weather than England has in all respects) I took the blanket from the back seat and wrapped it around his little shoulders. I pulled the front seat forward and he sat in the back seat, sneezing his head off and sniffling.

He fell asleep quietly in the backseat, all curled up in the blanket and his big black eyes gleamed and flashed every time we drove past a lamp post.

When we got home, we woke him up and took him inside. He looked at our larder and seemed quite satisfied. He pointed with a long finger at a can of chicken soup.

"Good for sneezing rats that isn't it?" he asked.

Oh.. Oh yes!" I said, eyeing my stash of Baytril.

I poured the contents of the can of chicken soup in a mug, zapped it and added a good dose of Baytril while he wasn't looking.

We sat him on the sofa, with his soup and his blanket around his shoulders, I even poured a warm foot bath for him.

We wanted our new little rescue to get better quickly. Luckily he loved his chicken soup. He also loved watching TV and building websites.

He started showing improvements in a couple of days and then i introduced him to our resident Rattuses.

He lives in our loft and enjoys looking at his home with the telescope we bought him last Christmas.

So this is how we came across our beloved AlienRat.

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